Unang Linggo « Mangahon o Magpakahon?

"I used to think that the years would go by in order, that you get older one year at a time... But it's not like that. It happens overnight." - Haruki Murakami, "Dance Dance Dance"

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Unang Linggo

June 14, 2008

Tapos na ‘yung unang linggo ko sa ikatlong taon at sa bagong kurso. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ako maging masaya, dahil nagsimula ang linggo ko na masama, pero nagtapos naman ito ng medyo kaaya-aya.

Hirap ako sa pag-enroll. Ang dami kong inasikaso, at natanga pa ako. Kakagaling ko lang kasi sa bulutong noon. At tinatantya-tantya ko pa ‘yung sarili ko. Nakakainis kasi hindi naaprubahan ‘yung scholarship na dapat ay nakapagpababa ng malaki sa tuition ko. Oo, iskolar kami ng bayan at mababa na talaga ang binabayaran ko sapagkat hindi naman ako inabot ng tuition fee increase, pero nakapanghihinayang pa rin ‘yung sana’y ikakaltas. Hindi naaprubahan ang scholarship ko dahil nagkaroon ng bagong requirement, ‘yung true copy of grades ko. Ang kaso, hindi naglalabas nito ‘yung college namin habang registration period. Anak ng tipaklong. Nakipagdebate pa ako sa isa sa mga nag-aassess ng scholarship sa registrar. Ayaw n’ya pakinggan ‘yung paliwanag ko. Ang sinabi lang niya, bayaran ko na lang muna ng buo, at saka ko na lang iparefund. Wala akong nagawa.

Ang totoo, sinisisi ko ‘yung sarili ko dahil ko agad inalam na may bagong requirement sa scholarship ko. Ikalawa, nahihiya ako sa ate ko, na siyang nagbibigay ng pangtuition ko, at sa tatay ko, na s’yang dahilan kung bakit may scholarship ako. Nakapanghihinayang ng sobra at nakakaasar dahil wala ako nagawa. Sana lang marefund ko, sana lang talaga.

Ayos naman ‘yung mga propesor ko. Alam ko hindi magandang pang-uri ‘yung salitang "ayos," pero ‘yun ang gusto kong gamitin para mediocre, dahil ko pa naman talaga sila nababasa at nakikilala ng buo.

Sa tingin ko, cool ‘yung prof ko sa Math. Oo, nasa Malikhaing Pagsulat na ako, pero may Math subject pa rin ako (hindi lang ‘yun, may Chemistry pa nga!). Kasama pa rin kasi iyon sa RGEP program ng UP, na mariing tinututulan ng marami sapagkat nakakahon at nalilimitahan ang mga estudyante. Sila na kasi ang nagtatakda sa kung ilang units ang dapat kuhanin sa isang bahaging akademiko tulad ng Filipino, Math, Sciences, at iba pa. Pero ayoko rito ilagay ang pagiging anti-RGEP ko, kahit na sinabi ko na ito, basta ang ramdam ko, cool ang Math prof ko. Kahit na sinasabi niya na may bumabagsak pa rin naman daw sa klase n’ya, maaliwalas naman ang pagtuturo niya, paminsan nagpapatawa, at may pagkahumble sa kaniyang pagtuturo kahit na matanda na siya. Hindi tulad ng ibang propesor na mayabang, na nagiging sagabal pa nga minsan sa pagkatuto ng mga mag-aaral.

Gaya ng sabi ko sa itaas, may Chemistry rin ako. Mukhang mabait din naman ‘yung propesora ko, hindi ko nga lang siya halos marinig magsalita. Sa likod kasi ako nakaupo, at halos auditorium size ang silid namin upang makapasok ang 80 ko pang mga kaklase. Ang hina niya magsalita, mahinhin siya, o baka pahinhin lang magturo. May pagkukumbaba rin sa pagtuturo niya, kaya sana naman ay hindi na ako pahirapan sa pagpasa at pagkuha ng inaasam na grado.

‘Yung isa kong klase, Art Studies. Wala akong masabing negatibo at wala rin naman ako masabing positibo. Bago ‘yung prof namin, unang semestre niya magturo, kaya may mga awkward silence paminsan habang naglelecture siya (iyon ‘yung mga pagkakataong nakalimutan niya ang dapat sabihin). Pero mukhang okey din naman siya, sana lang, dahil bata pa, hindi siya magpower trip. At di siya maadik sa bagong taglay na kapangyarihan. Sana hindi magpakadiyos, o ika nga sa Ingles na paborito kong kataga, playing god.

Ang iba ko pang klase, sa tingin ko, magugustuhan ko naman. Filipino 10.1 (pag-aaral ng Kapampangan), Filipino 50 (panimula yata sa panitikan, hindi ko sigurado) at Malikhaing Pagsulat 171 (pagsulat ng tula). Cool kasi ang mga propesor at isang propesora ko sa tatlong ito (ang totoo, lahat naman halos ng kaguruan sa departamento namin, DFPP, ay cool). Sikat na guro at manunulat ang mga ito. Sikat na manunulat, historyador, at mananaliksik ang propesor at propesora ko sa Filipino 10.1 at 50. Rockstar ang propesor ko sa MP 171, sabi sa haka-haka, dati siyang rhythm at bassist ng Juan de la Cruz band. Pero kilala talaga siyang manunulat, Palanca-award winning writer pa nga, at ang Makata ng Taon sa taong 2008. Relax at chill lang kami sa klase, kasama ang ibang mga batang manunulat, kahit na maraming kailangang basahin at isulat. Maging matrabaho man ang mga ito, pakiramdam ko ay magiging masaya pa rin naman ako. Gusto ko naman ang pagsulat at ang pag-aaral ng wika. Makatutulong ito ng habang naghahanap ako ng sarili sa pagsulat.

Sabik ako sa mga maaring mangyari ngayong semestre. Balak ko talaga ay magdoble ng sikap sa pag-aaral. Anumang mga nagawa kong kamalian sa naunang apat na semestre ko sa UP, gusto ko na ibaon, at ngayon ang unang semestre ng pagbabagong buhay. Sana lang maisagawa ko. ‘Yun ang paborito kong salita ngayon bukod sa "cool" — sana. Sana naman.

Walang pag-aalinlangang pagbati:

Maligayang isandaang kaarawan sa unibersidad kong mahal (sa Miyerkules, foundation day sa Diliman). Patuloy ka sanang maging anyong humuhubog sa kamalayan ng mga kabataan. Patuloy mo sanang itaguyod ang paglaban sa katotohanan sa kabila ng komersalisasyon na isinusulong ngayon ng mga nagpapalakad sa iyo. Patuloy ka sanang maging huwaran sa pagwasak at pagwaksi sa mga kahon ng lipunan. Mabuhay ka.

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